HOME
E-CARDS
WALLPAPER GALLERY
LOVEBUG STORE
FREE LOVEBUGMAIL
|
|
HOME |
E-CARDS |
WALLPAPER GALLERY |
LOVEBUG STORE |
FREE LOVEBUGMAIL |
|
|
Relationship ArticlesNeed advice on dating and relationships or tips on turning up the romance in your marriage? You'll find all kinds of helpful information here about love, romance, and relationships. |
The Grammar of Good Communication
No, this is not a rehash of primary-school grammar; nor is it adiscourse on the finer points of rhetoric! There are some practical points which can make a powerfuldifference in the efficacy of your communication -- whether onthe job, with your spouse or when you are among friends. What is "good communication?" Much of what passes forconversation is a play with two performers, each impatientlywaiting for the other to finish so they can declaim the linesthey've been preparing as the other is talking. Good communication is using words to express meaning -- clearly,efficiently and without ambiguity. This is most important in the communication which takes place between two people who want to make themselves understood in order to have a useful exchange of significant information about themselves or their relationship. This information is likely to have an emotional component, andmay be a complex mixture of fact and feeling. This is typicallythe language of relationship, though in reality manyrelationships are rather devoid of this level of communication. I read a research study long ago which looked at the quantity and quality of communication between spouses with children. Theoverall amount of communication between spouses was surprisinglysmall (twenty minutes a day, or thereabouts); of that some eighty to ninety percent was spent talking about the children, the day's schedule, plans to be made, or tasks to be done. Only some ten to twenty percent (of the twenty minutes!) was "relationship talk" between the spouses, where they shared feelings or meaningful dialogue about the nature of their relationship. The need for more quality communication within marriages is thesubject of another piece. Here I wish to make some structural or grammatical suggestions which can greatly enhance the efficiency and accuracy of complex communication. It is important to make "I statements" -- sentences which beginwith the word "I". "I feel tired today;" I am upset about X;" "I would like to go out to dinner tonight,". A common colloquialism in America is to say something like "You feel mad when someone cuts you off in traffic," when the meaning intended is "I feel mad when someone cuts me off...". Attention to this simple structural detail of communication willgreatly add to clarity and increased understanding. Too muchimportant communication is muddied with vague or impreciselanguage. Of course, sometimes it feels safer to hide behindambiguities or vagueness than to say what is really felt. The little word "but" is very important -- it subtly but firmlynegates all that has gone before. "You look nice in that dress,but...". That word signals the listener to pay particularattention to what follows, because there is the real point of the message! "I like you a lot, but..." In emotional orrelationship communication, "but" is a slippery character. Itallows the speaker to say all the right things in the first partof the sentence, and then slip the verbal knife between the ribswith the "but." "Never" and "always" are likewise tricky words -- and rarelyaccurate. Communication which includes statements like "Youalways..." or "I never..." are likely to generate more heat thanlight. Life is rarely so simple that something is always ornever the case. In everyday speech, we often confuse feeling and thought. "Ifeel that the world would be a better place if..." is not astatement of feeling (emotion), but a thought or cognition.Relationships between people are based upon emotion; we areconstantly listening for the subtle cues in conversation to seewhere we stand, or how our friend/spouse/lover is feeling towards us at this moment. Clarity in labelling emotions and thoughts helps the listener know how to receive the message. Precise communication which captures the richness and nuance ofemotion as well as thought is learned behavior. None of us isborn knowing how to communicate clearly. It is possible toimprove relationships by improving communication. Simple,direct, clear and unambiguous communication with those personswho are most significant is a skill well worth learning. David Yarian, Ph.D. is the creator of The Guide to Self-HelpBooks, http://www.Books4SelfHelp.com and co-author of Self-HelpCentral, an ezine to help you build a better life with self-helpresources. He is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and CertifiedSex Therapist in private practice in Nashville, TN. Hisprofessional website is http://www.DavidYarian.com.
MORE RESOURCES:
Relationships - Google News |
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Lingerie Buying Advice For Guys Buying lingerie for your lover can be one of the most romantic things you can do. It's an intimate gift which, if you get it right, shows you really care, really do understand her and have put the effort in to really think about a gift she will like. Who Should Relocate In A Long Distance Relationship? My Dear Lover,Soon or later, you and your beloved will have to take the decision of who should move, because it is very hard to live apart.Moving will change your life drastically, you should what you and beloved really wants from life, you need to communicate, communicate and communicate until you arrive to a very clear understanding about your expectations, It is your future. Cutting the Cord Sometimes, after a relationship has ended, many of us have problems letting go. A lot of my clients often complain of feeling haunted or even possessed by the dearly departed (who probably isn't even thinking of you at all and is busy happily running away with his or her new partner. Are Men and Women Really from Different Planets? Are men really from Mars, and women from Venus?'what women want,' is still left unanswered to men. Even when we reflect upon the 2000 film, What Women Want - lead character, Nick Marshall (played by Mel Gibson) seems to have all the answers. The First Ninety Days A friend of mine recently commented on the amazing number of romance novels written and the huge amount of money being made in that industry. He then shared his observation that these romance novels don't usually tell their stories beyond the first ninety days or so. Relationship Advice: 2 Beliefs for a Successful Relationship Mark Twain once saidGod's great cosmic joke on the human race was requiring that men and women live together in marriage."Considering the difficulty of living with another person day after day and the incredibly high divorce rate in this country, the humor of the quote begins to fade. One of The Main Reasons Why Relationships Fall Apart I had the priviledge to try out a BMW M5 at a BMW dealership. It is one of the most refined race cars that is ever built. The Secret Power of Romance and How It Can Work for You There are some men who will never understand the importance of romance. They may be lazy or don't feel like investing any of their time for something silly like romance. Gay and Lesbian Relationships America has a reluctance to accept relationships between people of the same gender. This reluctance follows a similar pattern to the hostility towards interracial relationships. Get Lucky In Your Love Life Whether you are single or married, we all need luck in relationship and romance. It could be for getting a lifetime soul mate or to strengthen you relationship with your current spouse. Communicate through Body-language! Consider a person very important to you. He or she keeps on talking to the extent of boring you and make you feel like escaping from that place. What to Do when Your Family Feels He is Not Good Enough for You Parents and loved ones always seem to put a damper on our love life. When you feel that you have finally found the love of your life, the problem now becomes getting your family to accept your guy and see how charming he really is. Here Come the Questions Why is it that even though I am not positive if I like a guy, because of course it's only been a week, that when he doesn't call for 3 days it becomes a dramatic incident, and all of a sudden its Fiona Apple time? There is no reason for him to not call; everything was fine last we spoke. With the time frame we are discussing here in the first place it shouldn't even phase me that a man decides to not call for 3 days, or possibly (gulp) never again. Great Relationship Advice: Dont Be a Darren Stevens Q: I can't believe I'm asking this question, because I can't believe I'm even feeling this way. My wife just got an offer that would give her a better and higher paying job than I have. The Real Way for Men to WOW the Woman They Love Guys, I know the struggle, you want to give her a gift that will thrill her, really show her how much you care for her. I am always trying to do this for my wife and it takes a serious game plan. Defining Relationship Commitment for Todays Couples WHAT IS COMMITMENT?The question of when a relationship is committed is a sourceof much confusion and debate. We live in a time when themarriage rate is going down, the co-habitation rate is goingup, and the majority of first-born children are now born tounmarried parents. How To Develop A Grateful Mind There is one sure fire medicine that cures all difficulty and opens the way for your greatest good. It allows you to sleep well at night, wake up refreshed and filled with enthusiasm. Finding a Life Partner Dear Candace,I'm 35 years old and ready to open my heart to a true partner. I have honored myself in the past by leaving relationships that weren't right, yet I wonder if my idea of how I think it is supposed to be is preventing me from creating what I truly want. 46 Clues Your Partner is Having an Affair Some of these signs of a cheating spouse are "tongue in cheek" while others are tell tale signs that commonly appear with a cheating husband or cheating wife. There is no copyright. When A Two-Salary Income Fails While this may not apply to everyone, you may find that a second salary brings in substantially less than you thought it would. In the beginning, Rachael thought that since she and her husband were just about breaking even as a couple, that staying home with the new baby would not work -- infant needs seemed endless.
|
|
