HOME
E-CARDS
WALLPAPER GALLERY
LOVEBUG STORE
FREE LOVEBUGMAIL
|
|
HOME |
E-CARDS |
WALLPAPER GALLERY |
LOVEBUG STORE |
FREE LOVEBUGMAIL |
|
|
Relationship ArticlesNeed advice on dating and relationships or tips on turning up the romance in your marriage? You'll find all kinds of helpful information here about love, romance, and relationships. |
Conflicts Dont Have to Mean a Fight to the Death
Although conflict in marriage is inevitable, fighting is optional. The secret is in how you approach and handle the conflict. It can make the difference between a really great relationship and a breakup looking for a place to happen. With that notion in mind, let's take a look at five styles of handling conflict, along with alternative solutions for each. Ready-Fire-Aim: These folks are the shooters of conflict. They live by the motto "cross me and you will pay." Instead of ready-aim-fire, they shoot first and ask questions later. This style causes lots of damage and usually serves to isolate the shooter. An alternative solution, in the words of St. Francis and Stephen Covey, "Seek first to understand, then to be understood." If you take the time to understand someone and that person's point of view, it's a whole lot easier to keep your shooter in its holster. Crock potters: They let a conflict simmer for a while. Sometimes it can be as harmless as needing to mull things over before handling conflict. At their worst, crock potters simmer and seethe, building resentments, blowing up or both. It can be healthy and productive to mull it over before you respond in a conflict. But instead of allowing it to boil over, agree on a time you will sit down together and calmly address the conflict. Me right/you wrong: This style of conflict really is as primitive as Tarzan. People who hold tightly to the right to be right can go to just about any length to prove they are right, even to the point of ending the relationship. The alternative solution is to punt. Give up the right to be right. Check out what you might be able to learn from the other point of view, which might even be as valid as your own. Shocking, I realize, but highly possible. The simple truth is that in marriage there are times when you can be right or be happy, but not both. Tomb-ers: They elevate the infamous silent treatment to an art form. Conflict arises and they shut down. When you ask what's wrong, their reply is either "nothing" or "everything's fine," but you know better. Usually tomb-ers have a strong fear of conflict, believing that any conflict will end the relationship. Quite the opposite is true -- not dealing with the conflict can kill the relationship from within. Here are some words to begin with: "Can I tell you what I'm uncomfortable with here?" Historians: They remember every fault, mistake and blunder ever made by their partner, including what was said, what you wore and where you were standing at the time. And they're more than willing to remind you, in detail. An alternative solution is to get a dry-erase board and write the current conflict on the blank board. Deal with it. Resolve it. Erase it. Over, done with, gone. I'm guessing that you have identified your partner's style of conflict. Now, read back through the categories and ask yourself: Which one am I? Jeff Herrring, MS, LMFT is a marriage and family therapist, relationship coach, speaker and nationally syndicated relationship columnist, and founder and CEO of http://www.Couples-Connection.com. You can email Jeff at jeff@couples-connection.com and sign up for his f'ree internet newsletter "Couples-Connection on his website at http://www.Couples-Connection.com
MORE RESOURCES:
Relationships - Google News |
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Playful, Innocent Phone Sex So you're sitting there on the phone, trying to talk to your girlfriend or boyfriend whom you haven't seen in a while and you're trying to keep things interesting by talking about the days events, how much you miss each other, etc.So far so good. Two Easy Steps To Finding Joy In All Your Relationships Usually we enter relationships hoping they will make us happy. We hope that this person is the right one, that we aren't repeating mistakes of the past, and that we will finally receive the love, support, companionship and admiration we've been waiting for. Find Love The Zen Way "If he comes we welcome,If he goes we do not pursue"Zen sayingWe all want love. We are all searching for some lasting relationship. The First Ninety Days A friend of mine recently commented on the amazing number of romance novels written and the huge amount of money being made in that industry. He then shared his observation that these romance novels don't usually tell their stories beyond the first ninety days or so. Energize Your Relationship By Celebrating Hoodie-Hoo Day February 20th What is Hoodie-Hoo Day and what does it have to do with your relationship? The answers may surprise you.Northern Hemisphere Hoodie-Hoo Day is a holiday (copyrighted by Wellcat. Are You Fit To Love? is the most important question you'll ever ask yourself. Let's face it, our relationships are extremely important. Dont Ignore the Signs: How Emotional Infidelity Can Ruin Your Relationship Emotional infidelity can start with a simple hi or a wink. It begins in a boardroom or a chatroom. Youve Been Dumped - Heres How to Get Over It Weve all been there. Weve fallen in love with somebody who just didnt love us back. I Have A Secret to Share Dear Candace,I have been through a lot over the last 3 years. I have divorced, suffered from cancer, and started a new relationship with someone I care a great deal about. The Fine Art of Flirting Did you know that it is not necessarily your looks or your bank account that will get you the Date of Your Dreams? Even those with average features and ordinary bank account funds can have the pleasure of being with someone they thought was unattainable. You think I'm kidding, right? I'm not! Want to know how? By learning the Fine Art of Flirting!Now guys, as explain in my book "the Ultimate Online Dating Handbook" women will tell you that being approached with a "pick-up line" is one huge "turn off. How To Make Hooking Up With Your Ex More Thrilling Than It Ever Was Before! Now I really have seen everything.The other day, I saw a television show with a very curious premise: They found a good-old Southern boy who was such a charmer, 6 of his ex-girlfriends (some, who had been flat-out "dumped" by him) were willing to line themselves up in front of a camera for 120 minutes, and go through various and sundry interviews, to see whether or not they could pass muster with him, the second time around. Lab Created Diamonds Are Now Exceedingly Good When we think of precious gems, we usually spare little thought to the hard work that it takes to bring them to us in the beautiful jewelry that we love to wear, but diamond mining is, in fact, an expensive and dangerous procedure, reflected to the consumer in the price that must be paid to own one. Wouldn't it be wonderful if there were some way to recreate that same brilliance and beauty in a less dangerous, and hence less expensive way? Today's technological innovations mean that this does not have to be a pipe dream any longer - with lab created diamonds, we can wear beautiful gemstones produced by the intelligence of mankind, rather than the trials and tribulations of nature, and without the expense that mining brings. He Still Hasnt Popped the Question - Should You Give Him an Ultimatum? You've been dating the man forever, and he has yet to cough up a ring. You spend every single weekend with him. Apologizing When We Hurt Our Friends or Partners In every relationship there will be occasional misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Sometimes we are the one who hurt another person we care about; sometimes we are the one who has been hurt. You Dont Have to Break Down, When You Break Up! Very few people would argue with the fact that creating successful relationships is often one of the biggest challenges we face as human beings. The strange thing is that life can become even more challenging when they end. Prince Charles and Camilla - The Greatest Love Story Of Our Time Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles have loved each other for over thirty years. Their love story is the greatest love story of our time. Can You Become A Better Friend After Taking A Friendship Quiz? Q. Does a friendship quiz really work?A. Great Relationship Advice: The Ability to Resolve Conflict Conflict in a relationship is both normal and painful. In working with couples I have found that it's the successful resolution of the conflict that strengthens the couple's bond and brings them closer together. Why Didnt He Call? Dear Lucia,I know I made a stupid mistake but what shall I do? I totally screwed up. I went out twice with a guy and we French kissed. king Your Relationship Pattern, Part 3 Do you want to put to rest the people and situations from your past so they do not interfere with your current and future relationships?I bet you said yes. Who doesn't have something in their past they want to put to rest? Then let's talk about what action steps you can take to create the absence of past -- or completion -- in your life.
|
|
