HOME
E-CARDS
WALLPAPER GALLERY
LOVEBUG STORE
FREE LOVEBUGMAIL
|
|
HOME |
E-CARDS |
WALLPAPER GALLERY |
LOVEBUG STORE |
FREE LOVEBUGMAIL |
|
|
Relationship ArticlesNeed advice on dating and relationships or tips on turning up the romance in your marriage? You'll find all kinds of helpful information here about love, romance, and relationships. |
The Sponge Pattern
Relationships. They're complicated, right? At least that's what we've been told, well, since childhood, girlhood, womanhood?whatever. The point is they're not easy. Growing up, adults try to explain away the differences between men and women in every way imaginable. "Boys tease you because they like you." "Women are more in-tune with their emotions than men." When I was in my first relationship, my dad (yeah, that's right, my DAD! Ughh!!!) gave me this book by a doctor named John Gray. Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, was the name of it. I'm sure you've heard of it, or perhaps even read it (I, myself, only made it through about 30 pages or so). Even if you haven't read it, even if you didn't know it was actually a book, I'm sure you've heard that "men are from Mars, women are from Venus" thing used in conversation, on TV, somewhere, everywhere. Well, it certainly seems sometimes, (all right?all the time), that men are from a different planet. But, what happens when you start dating guys that are all not just from Mars, but from the same country in Mars, state, even city? What happens when every guy you end up with, seems, well, like the same guy? I guess I was about 15 when I had my first boyfriend. Boring stuff. Not at the time of course, but far too droll to write an article about. You know the score. First time holding-hands, then first kisses, first kisses with tongue, first 2 hour make-out sessions in the back row of some movie theater, where you can't even recall what was playing ("So how was the movie kids?) It wasn't until somewhere around 21 that the real dating began, if you could call it that, the "real" part, I mean. Everybody knows that in the beginning of a relationship no one is "real." I'm not even sure that there is a "real" before at least 25 or so, but that's a whole other article. Anyway, we'll call this one "Ted," to protect the innocent. Innocent? That doesn't sound right. We'll go with it though, for lack of a better word that doesn't rhyme with "Bass-mole." I digress. Ted seemed charming enough. Like most red-blooded American boys, he, of course, wanted to get laid, and would do anything and say anything to do just that. But getting "laid" wasn't the problem. At least sex is something you can count on. I mean, you know they want it, think they need it to survive, and you know you hold the key, like some super-hero power. It is, at least, something you can control, understand, something ingrained in you by Mother Nature. In many ways it's the easiest part of a relationship. But after the sex part is out of the way, what then? Ted was a nice, sensitive guy. Not long after we met he fell into some bad luck. His roommate situation went sour and he needed help. He had nowhere to go, and his car wasn't running. I had been independent for a long time, and was settled, neatly, into my own place. I had a good car, a fairly good job, and no real relationship with my parents (long story). So when he asked if he could move in for a while, I said "Of course!" After all, I did really like him. He promised to help with bills, and I agreed to give him rides to work. Things didn't go exactly as planned. The first month passed, and rent was due. Ted didn't have all of it. He said he had been putting money into fixing his car. I told him I would cover what he was lacking. The next month it happened again, but I thought nothing of it. After all, a man needs a car, right? I figured everything would get easier after his car situation was better. I continued to give him rides to work everyday. I took him to the store to get cigarettes, to restaurants, to buy groceries. Even on my days off, I got up early so I could take Ted to work. Then something happened. I began to notice that I was the one paying for the cigarettes, the groceries, the restaurants, and the gas to take him to work. A seed of resentment and doubt began to grow. It had been three months now, and Ted's car still wasn't running. He had put no money away to get his own place. What was he doing with his money? We began to fight a lot. Finally one day, guns were blazing and I told him it was over and he needed to move out. After an unpleasant departure, Ted was gone, and I had my home back again. After a few months I met a new guy, "Collin." It was Christmas Eve, and I, having no family to spend the holidays with, was doing my laundry at a nearby Laundromat. Collin and I started up a conversation while transferring clothes to the dryer. He was very handsome, and we seemed to have everything in common. A few days after we met, Collin's roommate "got them evicted," he said, and asked if he could stay with me for a while. I said yes, and helped him move in. He'd had a DUI a few months back and couldn't drive. At first, we had a lot of fun together. We went out every night. Collin played guitar, and sometimes would play me songs for hours after we got home. We talked about everything. When we had been living together for about a week I got very sick. Collin woke me when he got home from work, and asked me to drive him to the bar. When I said no, a little hurt that he seemed so uncaring about my illness, he got very angry. I finally got up and took him. I started to notice bottles of bourbon came and went very quickly around Collin. When rent came due, he didn't have it. How was this possible? I'd asked him to pay very little, and he didn't have a car or any other bills, so what was he spending all his money on? Booze. It didn't take me as long to kick Collin out as it had Ted. Perhaps, I had learned and was applying my knowledge. Perhaps it was because the better I got to know Collin, the more he lost his temper, and the less I liked him. There were a few more (than I'd like to admit) cases of "the guy who needed a place to stay." I began to wonder, "Why do I always end up with guys who can't take care of themselves?" And then it clicked. They needed me. Not in the good way, but that didn't matter. I mentioned before that I didn't really have a "family," so to speak. I felt alone. These men, losers or not, needed me, depended on me. They couldn't leave, because they had nowhere to go, and no way to get there. Once I had identified the pattern, it was easy to avoid. I hung out with friends more, participated in healthy activities with healthy people, and before long, I started to meet healthy men. While these stories are factual, and, sadly, it did take me quite a few years and experiences to realize my mistakes, it doesn't have to for you. Take the time to analyze your past relationships and recognize aspects of them that seem to repeat themselves. Once you recognize the recurring themes of your relationships, you too can begin to change them. Then you can move on to another "country" of men. Hopefully this one will be the healthy one you've been looking for. If not, at least by the time you get there, you'll be well traveled. Toni Kiser is a recently married, college graduate from North Carolina. She now lives in California with her husband, a musician and computer-programmer. She has been writing all her life, and hopes to one day write a collumn in a magazine or newspaper.
MORE RESOURCES:
Relationships - Google News |
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Finding Love With Feng Shui If true love has been eluding you, you could increase the chances of meeting someone you fancy by activating the Romance sector in your home.Where can you find your Romance sector?One way is by using your Chinese horoscope. Great Relationships - 3 Things to Avoid, 3 Things to Do "Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that he automatically deserves great success in any field of activity. Yet almost everyone believes that he automatically deserves success in marriage. Soul Mates - Do They Really Exist? Throughout centuries, story tellers, and people from different background and cultures always refer to their fascination in meeting one day their soul mates. Is Soul Mate a myth? Do they really exist? Or is Soul Mate a figment of our own imagination that can help keep our hope for a perfect relationship and keep our hope alive. Relationship Advice: Closeness and Connection In my work with couples, certain themes have emerged that can help us understand how a couple that was once close can drift so far apart.How couples drift apart1) Life got in the way. Aromatherapy : A Scent Away for Great Relationships Is it possible that a scent can make you more mellow and increase dramatically the relation with you and your mate? Can you calm the kids down instantly? Do you wish that you would feel and look more in control for the big meeting? Thousands of people around the world have discovered the powerful benefits of Aromatherapy. And you can do it to. How Often do you Think About What you are Going to Say? How often do you think about what you are going to say prior to actually saying it? As a counselor, I have been trained to understand that working with Native Americans, there may be a quite a long pause before my client makes a response to something we are discussing.Native American children are taught through folklore, that they need to think carefully about the words they are going to use. How a Three Letter Word Kills Good Relationships "You know, I really do love fish!" My friend Steve came up with this profound comment as we were about to tuck into the gastronomic offerings before us in a crowded downtown restaurant. I raised my eyebrows. Great Relationship Advice: How to Balance Your Hear at Work with Your Heart at Home Remember the Tom Cruise movie "Jerry Maguire?"From my seat in the theater, this movie had a much more valuable message than it's catch phrase "show me the money."Tom Cruise plays the title character Jerry Maguire, a fast moving sports agent who lives for the big score and makes big money. Is Your Negative Thinking Scaring Off Your Soul Mates? Francine Bonnecelli* swore off relationships the day her husband of nine years left her for a twenty-something barmaid in San Francisco. Even though this was her third marriage, she felt three was the charm and, after all, he showed all the qualities in a soul mate and a marriage partner that no one had ever shown her. What Do the Words "I Don't Love You Anymore" Really Mean? Have you been blindsided by an unhappy spouse who suddenly announced, "I don't love you anymore"? If so, then you know that these words can split a marriage wide open, along with the heart of the partner who may not have suspected that anything was wrong.Like most spouses in your situation, you may be confused and struggling to understand what those five ominous words "I don't love you anymore" really mean. Love Problems Often times when a couple gets married, things get pushed off, or ignored. Earlier in the marriage, the sight-seeing, honeymoon feeling, and those fancy restaurant dates tend to decline. Authentic Relationships - 5-Question Exercise to Explore How You Show Up In Relationship The focus of this article is to explore what it means to be authentic in the context of being single in the dating world and/or in the context of coaching singles. Take this five-question exercise to explore your relationship to authenticity. Tips for Building Love Relationships - 1 Nearly everyone claims to want a great relationship with their significant other. But what do they do? Same old thing over and over, and then wonder why it all went bad. Improve Relationships With Style Have you ever felt that relationships are messy? These messes, are they inevitable? Is there anything to do to minimize the mess? Can cleaning a messy relationship be possible? How do you manage a relationship with some many different kind of people?GET TO THE POINTMaybe a forceful, loud and lively person gets your attention with their to the point style in a meeting or encounter. If you ask him or her about any of their goals or what they are up to, what sticks out most is their remarks wrapped in "what it will do for me. 10 Free Romantic Gifts Being in love does not mean that you should turn overnight to be an extravagant spender. Love is beautiful when it is simple and true. 10 Clues of an Online Affair 1. Your spouse or partner spends excess time on-line. Simple Love Spells Here are some very simple rituals, some old, and some new that might help you achieve your romantic intentions.A bouquet of roses set in the southwestern corner of your bedroom is thought to attract love. Rhubarb Romance: A Little Honey Works Wonders Spring is in the air. It is a time of new life. 10 Tips For A Happy Relationship It's not working. Your relationship with your partner is not the same. Relationship Advice: After the Break Up - Creating an Exit Door in Your Heart Q. It's been over a year since the guy I thought I would be married to broke up with me.
|
|
