HOME
E-CARDS
WALLPAPER GALLERY
LOVEBUG STORE
FREE LOVEBUGMAIL
|
|
HOME |
E-CARDS |
WALLPAPER GALLERY |
LOVEBUG STORE |
FREE LOVEBUGMAIL |
|
|
Relationship ArticlesNeed advice on dating and relationships or tips on turning up the romance in your marriage? You'll find all kinds of helpful information here about love, romance, and relationships. |
Relationship Advice: 3 Kinds of Love
There are three kinds of love: love as a feeling, love as a decision/choice, and love as an action. The confusion of these three kinds of love is the cause of much needless pain and suffering. In an attempt to clear up this confusion, let's take a closer look at each of these three kinds of love. Love as a feeling. Oh, what a feeling. Let's face it, falling in love feels great. So does being in love. Throughout the centuries, poets, writers and singers have all extolled the glories of being in love. Only problem is that it doesn't last. Sorry to bring you back to Earth with such a jolt, but let's be honest. The emotional high that we feel just doesn't last on a day-to-day basis. Remember the phrase "and they lived happily ever after"? Even though this phrase can be found at the end of most fairy tales, our culture seems to have accepted it as fact. "Well," you might be saying at this point, "aren't we sounding cynical today." Maybe so, but if you'll hang in there with me, reader, it's going to get better really quick. It's natural and normal for the feeling of love to ebb and flow in a relationship. That's why it's so important to understand that in addition to love as a feeling there are two other kinds of love. Love as a decision/choice Love is also a decision and a choice. There are times when we do not feel like loving in any way. In relationships, however, we are called to love even when we don't feel like it (sometimes especially when we don't feel like it). Authors Gary Smalley and John Trent said: "Every enduring marriage involves a commitment to an imperfect person." What this means on a day-to-day basis is this: We may sometimes say to ourselves when thinking about our partner, "You know, I really don't like you very much today." Then this needs to be followed by, "and I'm going to love you anyway." The choice and decision to love, even when we don't feel like it provides the sense of security necessary in a relationship to make it through the inevitable rough waters. Love as an action In addition to being a feeling and a choice, love is also a verb. We can have the feeling of love, we can decide to love, we can understand all that there is to understand about our relationship, but we won't get very far until we take action. Some couples I have worked with are very good at describing what is wrong with the relationship and/or the other person. It reminds me of what actor and comedian Lily Tomlin once said: "I personally believe we developed language because of our deep need to complain." One of the biggest myths about marriage goes something like this: "If you really loved me, then you would (know what to do, know what to say, know what I like, etc.)." Nothing could be further from the truth. Instead of complaining about our partner's behavior, we can simply ask for (request) what we would like. Sometimes that will be a request to do something. Other times it may be a request not to do something. It goes something like this: "I would like you to (fill in the blank)." Then your partner gets to say either "Yes, I can do that" or "No, I won't do that, because (fill in the blank). What else could I do that would meet that need?" In this way, we can put hands and feet onto the feeling of love. The really curious thing is that when we decide to love and take action in this way, it can lead us back to that feeling of love. Jeff Herring is a Relationship Coach, Speaker, and Syndicated Relationship Columnist. Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for more relationship tips and tools, a free internet newsletter and free e-programs to enrich your relationship
MORE RESOURCES:
Relationships - Google News |
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
One of The Main Reasons Why Relationships Fall Apart I had the priviledge to try out a BMW M5 at a BMW dealership. It is one of the most refined race cars that is ever built. Relationship Advice - 5 Sure Fire Ways to Mess Things Up 1) Stay committed to your "right to be right."Argue for your point of view, making sure you never entertain the possibility that your partner may have a valid point of view. Love Relationships: Focusing on What went Right What's all the Hype about Love Relationships, Anyway?Love relationships are not what they're cracked up to be. They take real effort -- things like: admiration, commitment, dedication, devotion, forgiveness, encouragement, strength, inspiration, motivation, understanding, compassion, hope, desire, steadfastness, and so much more. Relationship Conflict - Blow Up or Blow Through Every now and then I hear a "relationship expert" say that they have never had a argument with their spouse. This is when I find myself thinking this person is either lying or certainly can't relate to me. Communicate through Body-language! Consider a person very important to you. He or she keeps on talking to the extent of boring you and make you feel like escaping from that place. 27 Characteristics of Loving Men Every woman dreams of meeting that special man that knows how to fulfill her heart's romantic desires. Speaking of that special someone; is your special someone a lover or just an average Joe? No pun intended if your guy's name is Joe. What is Abuse? Violence in the family often follows other forms of more subtle and long-term abuse: verbal, emotional, psychological sexual, or financial.It is closely correlated with alcoholism, drug consumption, intimate-partner homicide, teen pregnancy, infant and child mortality, spontaneous abortion, reckless behaviours, suicide, and the onset of mental health disorders. Tune Up Your Relationship Why do some relationships last forever and others fall apart? Here are some ways you can make your partner feel appreciated again and prevent your relationship from becoming a casualty.1. Society's Misconception of Soul Mates - Divine Source through Barbara Rose Society's current conception of the term "soul mate" is completely contrary to what the term really means.Imagine two gallons of water taken from the AtlanticOcean. Love Advice: Are You Frozen in Time? Falling in love is a process that one cannot stay away from. In life, many of us has experienced going through a love relationship. Relationship Advice: Two Tips for Great Relationships Relationship Tip 1I've been blessed with working with thousands of couples over the last 25 years. Out of all those couples, it has been very very rare to see a situation where both people did not have their fingerprints on the mess. How We Define Our Relationships? We can fall into the habit of complaining about our relationships, but do we really take the time to evaluate them? Maybe not, because well, we're always right! He or she never listens to ME or does things the way I think is right (the human EGO speaking loudly here!).First of all, we need to understand one thing - which we do not live in our parents' or grandparents' time. Why He Left Me After...? The next morning he /or she is gone.And because this is a man's privilege, I'll try to give some answers to the women. Relationship Advice: Closeness and Connection In my work with couples, certain themes have emerged that can help us understand how a couple that was once close can drift so far apart.How couples drift apart1) Life got in the way. Sacred Relationships: Divine Source Questions and Answers from Divine SourceThrough Barbara Rose1. What is a "Sacred Relationship"?2. The Lies That Saved a Judges Life What is empathy? Many people confuse empathy with sympathy, but empathy is really much more. My dictionary defines it as "the quality or process of entering fully, through imagination, into another's feelings or motives. The Sponge Pattern Relationships. They're complicated, right? At least that's what we've been told, well, since childhood, girlhood, womanhood?whatever. How To Make Hooking Up With Your Ex More Thrilling Than It Ever Was Before! Now I really have seen everything.The other day, I saw a television show with a very curious premise: They found a good-old Southern boy who was such a charmer, 6 of his ex-girlfriends (some, who had been flat-out "dumped" by him) were willing to line themselves up in front of a camera for 120 minutes, and go through various and sundry interviews, to see whether or not they could pass muster with him, the second time around. The Sting Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 28, 2004Two days ago, purely by accident, I found out my husband was a member of an online sex and swinger service. I unintentionally opened his e-mail, thinking the computer was logged on to my name, not his. Unprofessional Conduct Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 14, 2004I am sitting here so unsure of what to do anymore. I've never asked anyone for help of this type, as many people come to me for answers.
|
|
