HOME
E-CARDS
WALLPAPER GALLERY
LOVEBUG STORE
FREE LOVEBUGMAIL
|
|
HOME |
E-CARDS |
WALLPAPER GALLERY |
LOVEBUG STORE |
FREE LOVEBUGMAIL |
|
|
Relationship ArticlesNeed advice on dating and relationships or tips on turning up the romance in your marriage? You'll find all kinds of helpful information here about love, romance, and relationships. |
Denial Is Not A River In Egypt
Original it ain't, but it still merits repetition: "Denial is not a river in Egypt". What it is, is a highly addictive behaviour. It starts insignificantly enough; an incident occurs which you would have rather hadn't happened; words are spoken that are cruel and contemptuous, words you would not have wished to hear; a behaviour appears that you weren't expecting, which is hurtful and dismissive? Suddenly you're to blame, though you probably aren't too sure what for. Then it's gone again. Things revert to 'normality', the 'blip' is explained away, or simply not mentioned again. There may be an apology - but equally there may not - you may be told that you're making too much of something meaningless, or maybe although it 'won't happen again' (his undertaking), you somehow provoked it (your fault). And you look at this man in whom you've already invested so much emotion (and self-worth) and you really want to believe him. You probably need to believe him. So you find an explanation, or justification, for what happened: he was tired, or stressed, or worried, or jealous or drunk? and somehow you managed to make the situation worse and tip the scales? That's how denial starts. So denial isn't a river in Egypt. It's actually a snowball hurtling down a steep slope, becoming ever bigger and gathering momentum as it goes. Once you've started explaining his bad behaviours away, you just keep on doing it, way beyond the dictates of common sense and self-respect. Having put him on a pedestal, you're left in the mud and slime beneath his plinth; and that is where you stay, way, way too long. For the longest time - because whether it is months, years or decades it's always much too long - it's your being mired in manure that keeps him smelling of roses. If only women adhered to the "Three Strikes And You're Out" law - and by strikes I mean verbal assault as well as physical assault - but we don't. The statistic is that, on average, women will endure some ten times that number of 'strikes' before they finally get out. Once denial is established, fear sets in; a fear that eats away at a person. This week I received an email from a woman, which began with the brave words: "I love this man and I know that he loves me." It went on to say: "He puts me down and makes me feel like I am less than a dog on the street." Maybe, just maybe, he does love her some of the time in his own heartless, destructive, dysfunctional way. More likely he's attached to her in the way that any parasite is attached to what it feeds off. Doubtless he needs her, even more than she believes she needs him. But it's not love that he feels in the sense of caring for and being committed to fostering her emotional, spiritual, mental and physical well being. A harsh judgement? Maybe, but an informed one; I've been there, done that and still have the T shirt to prove that I tried to survive in a relationship where 'love' was often a dead ringer for hate. If you haven't been there, you'd think it would be pretty simple to tell love and venomous hate apart. But that's the beauty of denial: you genuinely stop being able to see the blindingly obvious. You can carry on missing the truth, even when it keeps punching and slapping you in the face. You hang on waiting for what you are desperate to believe will, finally, come into being. It doesn't, of course. It pains me deeply to think of any woman throwing away her precious life in this way. Denial is not a river in Egypt. If you've ever seen a dog on a length of chain trying futilely to break free, then you know what denial is and what it does. C) 2005 Annie Kaszina Joyful Coaching An NLP Practitioner and Women's Empowerment Coach, Annie specialises in helping women heal the trauma of the past, so they can enjoy the present and look forward to the future. Email:annie@joyfulcoaching.com To subscribe to Annie's twice monthly ezine, or order her eBook 'The Woman You Want To Be, go: to http://www.joyfulcoaching.com
MORE RESOURCES:
Relationships - Google News |
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Making Passion More Passionate Somewhere between the first kiss and growing old together, many couples experience dormant growth phases during their relationship, leaving one, if not both partners with a need for greater input, emotionally and/or physically.The process of emotional growth is both independent, and uncomfortable. Relationship Advice: 10 Ways to Survive a Break Up Break ups are never easy. You are a bundle of jealous, hurt, angry, resentful emotions. Relationship Advice: How to Ignore Your Spouse or Partner Marriage can be one of the quickest and most effective paths to taking someone special for granted.We don't mean to do it. Understanding Your Teen Relationship Teen relationships are touchy things. Girls are often ready for serious commitments within their relationships while boys want something more laid back in their relationship. Relationships That Really Last: Is This the Secret? In my e-book, How to Build Relationships That Stick, I told over a story I once heard in the name of a famous relationships counselor who talks on radio shows. It was claimed to be an authentic account of something that happened in real life, but even if it's apocryphal, I'm very much inclined to believe it could happen. Too Many Cooks in the Kitchen After Wife Gets MBA "Hesh, where is your business plan?" It was a question I expected from my banker, but not from my wife. She tried to sweeten it by adding, "honey?" It didn't help. Love Problems Often times when a couple gets married, things get pushed off, or ignored. Earlier in the marriage, the sight-seeing, honeymoon feeling, and those fancy restaurant dates tend to decline. Conflict In Faith Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 19, 2004My husband is Jewish, and I am Catholic. That wasn't a problem when we were dating, because he isn't religious. Simple Love Spells Here are some very simple rituals, some old, and some new that might help you achieve your romantic intentions.A bouquet of roses set in the southwestern corner of your bedroom is thought to attract love. Men and Relationships Ever since the women's movement began, women have empowered themselves through self-help books, classes, therapy, and TV shows such as Oprah, the Lifetime Network and much more. Women have been stepping up to the plate, taking responsibility for their lives, their jobs and their relationships. Soulmates, Are They Pre-ordained? One day a telegram arrived at a man's door. When he opened it, he learned that his best friend had passed away. The Secret of Relationship Success With a divorce rate in this country that approaches50%, and a fairly sizable percentage of marriages thataren't particularly blissful, it's difficult to avoidsearching for the answer to the battle of the sexes.Would you like to stop searching?We've moved through the old paradigm of gettingyour needs met in relationships, and it has provenitself to be a miserable failure. Soul Mate - a Pain in the Neck "and they lived happily ever after.. Dont Be A Doormat in Your Relationship There comes a point in every relationship when the person you are dating will do or say something that is out of line. How you react to those situations will determine if they will gain respect for you or whether they will start to see you as a doormat and begin to misbehave even more. A Look at Interracial Relationships There's something about America, our history, our values or maybe the very contradictions of our society that can still make interracial relationships a lot more difficult than others. Most relationships deal with mostly internal pressures with perhaps a little added tension from family or friends. Relationship Reality: Are Your Relationships Based In Reality or Fantasy? Within the next two to three minutes, you will uncover if you have had relationships based in reality or fantasy!I want you to recall a failed relationship and ask yourself one question, "Why didn't it work?"Initially, you may answer, "They cheated, lied, changed, etc." But be honest with yourself. Extreme Breakup Recovery: Maximum Healing / Minimum Time If you are going through the emotional rollercoaster of a breakup, feeling pain, anger and depression, know this: You don't need to suffer one more day over your ex! It doesn't matter how long you have suffered, it is time to give up the pain and open up to a life free of pain.You may feel that you can't stop clinging on to the past, but by clinging on to the past, you are stopping life. Ive Gotta Hand It to You What would I do without my wife? Not much. What would I do without my best friend? Even less. Pay Attention! Mastering Communication Skills with Women One of the biggest complaints women have about men is they just don't listen. This can cause big problems in the relationship. Five Tips for Breaking Free of The Drama Habit and Developing a Healthier Arguing Style We all feel angry from time to time, but feeling angry and acting like a raging, out-of-control child during moments of anger are two very different things. And when anger "crosses the line" in the context of an intimate relationship, it can cause extensive-and sometimes even irreparable-discord and damage.
|
|
