HOME
E-CARDS
WALLPAPER GALLERY
LOVEBUG STORE
FREE LOVEBUGMAIL
|
|
HOME |
E-CARDS |
WALLPAPER GALLERY |
LOVEBUG STORE |
FREE LOVEBUGMAIL |
|
|
Relationship ArticlesNeed advice on dating and relationships or tips on turning up the romance in your marriage? You'll find all kinds of helpful information here about love, romance, and relationships. |
Its Your Fault I Had An Affair!
When you read it like that, out of context, you'd be hard pressed to believe that anyone would have the nerve to come up with it as a serious justification for infidelity. Yet film star Jude Law has, allegedly, used this astonishing piece of sleight of mouth to justify a recent fling with his children's nanny. The sad truth is that he wouldn't be the first; and he won't be the last. Of course, you could argue that it's the kind of excuse you only use as a last resort, but it's not really that simple. You might think that when someone is skating on such thin ice they might do a little better than that. Even hanging their head, apologising and saying "I don't know what came over me" has to be slightly better than that. Sure, they may believe it when they lay the blame for their action at their partner's door; that's not the most important point, in any case. What is important is the fact that they genuinely believe they have a real chance of getting their partner to buy into their perspective. They believe it because it's a tactic they have practised many times before, with a good degree of success. When you stop and think about it, the argument "it's your fault that I did X (or didn't do Y)" is not only laughable, it's playground stuff. It's not unlike the small child who trips, falls over and then turns to someone standing some distance away and says: "You made me fall over." The same question, "How do you work that one out?" hangs heavy in the air. The behaviour of one person may trigger an emotional response in another. But particularly in the case of chronological adults, people old enough to take responsibility and major decisions for themselves, they alone are responsible for their own actions. Feeling aggrieved because they don't consider their partner is sufficiently available to them does not exempt them from responsibility for their philandering. Feeling angry because either their partner has failed to do something for them, or else has committed some misdemeanour, such as crashing the car or being in any way 'provoking', does not justify whatever course of behaviour they choose to adopt. It's all about accountability. Adults are accountable for their own actions. There are no special dispensations from accountability because someone has upset or riled you. You are entitled to your feelings. But you're not entitled to pursue a destructive course of action so as to avoid addressing difficult feelings. Except that some people are remarkably good at getting their partner and/or family to believe that there are dispensations; that they are a special case. These people are singularly adept at dumping blame at their partner's door. Generally, the partner will pick it up, more or less meekly, and sweep it under the carpet. They'll even make a point of acknowledging how the bad behaviour was triggered by their shortcoming. Often, even after they have got out, they'll still believe that they were somehow to blame. It's one of the reasons they keep going back. They're seduced by the abject, loving apologies they hear and the misguided belief that if they only work a little harder at the relationship, they'll be able to stop it happening again. And then they'll live happily ever after. After all, it will be their fault if they can't live happily ever after with the erstwhile philanderer, drunk, bully or emotional vampire, or whatever, who's never to blame for their actions. By continuing in the relationship the partner who assumes the full burden of responsibility tacitly colludes with the accuser. It remains to be seen whether Sienna Miller will patch up her relationship with Jude Law. Many women in a similar situation do; and are surprised when it happens again. Things only change for the better if something inside the relationship shifts. That shift occurs when both partners accept accountability for their own feelings and favour communication rather than blame as a way of resolving difficulties. C) 2005 Annie Kaszina Joyful Coaching An NLP Practitioner and Women's Empowerment Coach, Annie specialises in helping women build strong boundaries so they can attract the relationships they desire. Email:annie@joyfulcoaching.com To subscribe to Annie's twice monthly ezine, or order her eBook 'The Woman You Want To Be, go: to http://www.joyfulcoaching.com
MORE RESOURCES:
Relationships - Google News |
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Are You Ready to Handle an Indigo Child? So what's new in the world of spirituality and the new age these days? What's the new talk we keep hearing all about? The talk about the indigo Children is gearing more and more. There are now so many workshops, lectures, books and websites dedicated to discussing this subject. Improve Your Relationship by Taking Care of Yourself First It's important for you to take care of yourself before you try to fix your relationship. The old saying 'You can't give away what you don't have" applies here. Commonsense Approach to Domestic Violence Domestic violence the catch phrase for the past ten years. People use the words as if they represent an incurable disease rather than what it really is, deplorable human behaviors. ARC of Understanding In relationship we all make mistakes and sometimes we are insensitive to the needs of others, especially those very close to us All this leads to disappointments and resentments. The answer to handling disappointments is understanding. Ulterior Motive Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 7, 2004Life was not this complicated a year ago--said laughing while banging head on keyboard. I can make this short, but there is so much and I want to be fair. To Love Or To Be In Love What is the basic difference between loving someone and being in love with the person? Before we can be sure that we have found true love, we need to be sure what these two terminologies mean.Is it possible to meet someone, connect with the person and love the person's personality, way of life, etc? Truly be comfortable with such a person? Certainly! Most of us know significant others in our lives who fall into this category. Why He May Be Cheating On You Why He May Be Cheating On YouThere could be all sorts of reasons known only to your man, but there are also those reasons in which women may contribute to, such as: You Let Yourself Go, You Lost Yourself In Him, or You Have No Ambition along with many others. Sometimes women live for their men. The Five Minute Relationship Miracle "They may forget what you said,but they will never forget how you made them feel."Carl W. The Big Secret of Age Think back to when you were a child. Pick a time when you were aware of the world and starting to notice things around you, perhaps 10 or 11 years old. Great Relationships: 4 Big Relationship Mistakes and How to Avoid Them Relationship Mistake No. 1 - Partner BashingBashing the one you are supposed to love seems to have become a national pastime. Romantic Relationships: An Internal Process If you grew up in the 80s like I did, you might remember the group Depeche Mode and their hit "Just Can't Get Enough." It is a song about being obsessed with the idea of being with someone, about needing another person. Approval - You Dont Need It Yesterday, after receiving a massage to help ease my computer-aided muscle tension, I was described as an over-achiever. That got me thinking about value-laden language and what it really means. Intent Over the past few months, things in my life have been better than ever. New home, new friends, and wonderful career. Five Easy Steps to Creating Your Dream Relationship Millions of singles across the world are looking to create relationship bliss. It takes time. Ridding Yourself Of Being A Manipulator To Better Your Relationships One of the oldest character flaws in humans is their abilityto manipulate each other. Its insidious nature tilts oureveryday playing field toward the manipulator. Love Advice: Let Fate Decide? One of the most commonly asked questions, What is Love? What is its exact definition? Well, there can never be a definite answer. Everyone got his or her own answer to it. What Keeps Couples Together There are several things you can do, especially when your relationship is loving and happy, to ensure that it remains this way for the long term. The first principle of a lasting relationship is your clear intention to preserve your mutual affection, respect and friendship. Celebrate Friendship Day with Fresh Flowers! Send flowers this Friendship Day, Sunday, August 7th! Across the street or across the country, a local florist can send a gift of Friendship to your Special Friend!Consider sending a friend a beautiful vase of her (or his) favorite flowers to celebrate National Friendship Day! Here are some gift ideas to inspire you;For the Gardener: Send a watering can filled with wildflowers and a raffia bow. Green Thumbs would also appreciate a Green or Blooming Plant in a decorative basket or container. Great Relationship Advice: The Ability to Create a Vision for Your Relationship Many of us stumble into marriage and then continue to make it up as we go along. But relationships need much more conscious planning in order to be successful. Love - Entrepreneur Style For many of us, love has become a distant ideal. Often, we don't don't even spend much time thinking about sharing our lives with anyone else.
|
|
