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Relationship ArticlesNeed advice on dating and relationships or tips on turning up the romance in your marriage? You'll find all kinds of helpful information here about love, romance, and relationships. |
Interview with Tigress Luv: How To Get Over A Breakup
Recently I had the opportunity to interview my personal favorite ebook author, Tigress Luv. She is a relationship expert who is widely known for her internet community. I asked her specific questions about what people can do to endure a painful breakup of a relationship. Sarah: What is your background as a relationships expert? Tigress Luv: I started learning about break ups many years ago when I went through a very traumatic break up myself. I wanted to understand what was behind the tragic grief I experienced. After learning, analyzing, investigating, and delving in, I began to understand and see break ups for what they really were. I knew break ups inside and out! Keeping up with my research I then began to understand the real pain of break ups, and how to cure that pain. I wrote my first book on the subject in the early 1990's. Afterwards, I became an expert on people and what makes them "tick." Since then, I have written on commitment phobia and infidelity. Living through it all myself helped me to get even more valuable lessons and insights. * * * * * * * * * Sarah: Do you have some advice for people going through a breakup now? Tigress Luv: I truly believe your attitude is one of your most overlooked secrets to a full recovery. Attitude is simply a matter of choosing how you will respond to any given situation. Life is constantly asking questions of you, and your responses are all-important. By choosing to change your negative approach to the break up, and replacing it with a positive, healthy attitude about life, your suffering, the past, the future, and your new-yet to be experienced-relationships, you can actually control the quality of the peace and serenity that can be found in any break up or divorce. Breaking up only hurts when we try to not hurt. Be willing to accept the break up and be prepared to hurt: this preparation alone will help diminish the amount of pain you will go through. * * * * * * * * * Sarah: How can people heal from a painful breakup? Tigress Luv: Acknowledge your grief over your break up. Breaking up is the hardest thing to do! But, denying your feelings is harder on the body and mind than going through them. Wallow in them if you want, wail out loud, punch your pillow, cry to your mother, write sad poems, let your heart mourn....it's your grief and it's very real. Allowing grief to surface is the only way to let it go. Without this difficult stage of the break up we could never move pass the loss. Don't feel pressured to hide or deny your emotions, but to accept them for what they are. Breaking up hurts - and so do you! I would say that about 60% of my emails are from people needing advice on saving a relationship, about 30% are from those needing advice with coping with grief and understanding the pain associated with a loss, and the other 10% comprise other relationship problems - mainly commitment phobia and infidelity. It's important to remember that every breakup is unique. It's specific to the type of person your ex is. The simple truth is the plan to win back an ex shouldn't be the same for everyone, because not everyone's ex is the same, or motivated by the same things. In other words, face it - not all our exes are the same man or woman, and so the plan to win them back shouldn't be the same either! * * * * * * * * * Sarah: If you could send a message to thousands of hurting people right now, what would it be? Tigress Luv: Stop dancing with ghosts. One hundred years from now it won't matter anyway. * * * * * * * * * Sarah: Do you think breakups are harder on men or on women? Tigress Luv: Where breakups are hard on all people in general, men, by far, become the most devastated after the loss of a loved one. I think this is because only with their intimate partner, can a man truly be allowed to be himself. Women can be themselves, fears and all, anywhere and with just about anybody, but men connect on an intimate level - where they can feel safe to be themselves - only with the women in their lives. In our society it is socially acceptable for women to feel. We can cry, we get all blubbery, we can pout, we get our feelings hurt, we can be scared of bugs and storms and those things that go bump in the night, we can be helpless when it comes to changing a tire ... and the more we are these things, the more "female" we appear. But men ... poor men don't have society's permission to be emotional or weak or have fears or be incapable of getting things done. If a man walked into a club, rushed up to his male friends and started crying, most people would think that something was wrong - terribly wrong - because men just aren't allowed to cry, or be scared, or feel. But only with his woman, his intimate partner, can he truly relax and be himself. He can expose his inner self without fear of being mocked or ridiculed. He doesn't need to "be all he can be." When this comfort zone is taken from him, he loses his identity - his safe zone. Sarah: Thank you so much, Tigress, for these insights. The complete interview with Tigress Luv is at http://www.marriageandwealth.com/interview.html. You are welcome to reprint this article as long as this resource box is included. Read Sarah Tanner's complete interview with Tigress Luv at:==> http://www.marriageandwealth.com/interview.html
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