HOME
E-CARDS
WALLPAPER GALLERY
LOVEBUG STORE
FREE LOVEBUGMAIL
|
|
HOME |
E-CARDS |
WALLPAPER GALLERY |
LOVEBUG STORE |
FREE LOVEBUGMAIL |
|
|
Relationship ArticlesNeed advice on dating and relationships or tips on turning up the romance in your marriage? You'll find all kinds of helpful information here about love, romance, and relationships. |
Relationship Advice: A Few Observations on Marriage and Relationships
Here are a few observations on marriage and relationships. Information Explosion Just the other day, a couple in their late 60s said a remarkable thing to me. "When we were first married years ago, there was hardly any information on how to do marriage. Now there is just so much. I wish we would not have had to wait so long to be able to use it." I sometimes forget that all this knowledge is a relatively new phenomenon. So I challenge you to take advantage of what is out there. Read some books. Go to a marriage retreat. Affairs in the air Affairs seem to be everywhere. I know I have seen many accounts of them in my office in the last few months. Every single one of us is vulnerable to an affair. A popular myth is that an affair always ends the marriage. While some marriages do end when there is an affair, the reality is that any couple can survive and grow past an affair, if they are committed to doing at least a few things: 1) The affair must end; the person that had the affair must cut ties to the person who was part of the affair. 2) The other spouse has to deal with the sense of anger, betrayal and the other ugly emotions that come with this territory. 3) The spouse that had the affair must genuinely apologize for the harm caused. 4) Trust has to be rebuilt. In order for trust to be rebuilt, the other spouse has to be willing to learn to trust again, and the spouse that had the affair has to be willing to "live under a microscope." It's important to remember that the first rule when living under a microscope is to not do anything to cause the magnification to be increased. 5) Both spouses need to look honestly at how this could happen, and look honestly at their contributions in the affair. Both spouses have an equally difficult road ahead. If you do the necessary things to recover, the relationship can very well grow to be better than before. Communication is key Just because you know how to talk does not mean that you know how to communicate. Often I hear about an argument between couples where one takes the position "Yes, I told you about planning to do that, we talked about it." At the same time, the other spouse is saying "No, you did not tell me about that, and we never talked about it." So just how does this recurring pattern happen? Are one of these people hallucinating? I don't think so. Is one just not paying attention and not really listening? Could be. Does one just think he/she told their partner? Could be too. About the only strategy I have found that works with this situation is doing the opposite of that highly dangerous habit of assuming. The opposite of assuming is checking. Let me give you an example from several years ago. My wife, Lauren, and I were staying in a cabin near Murphy, N.C. It was the last day of our vacation, and I really just wanted to hang around the cabin and relax. But I knew that Lauren wanted to eat lunch one more time at the Natahala Outdoor Center about 45 minutes away. I knew this because we had talked about it the night before. Well, 40 minutes into the 45-minute car ride, Lauren tells me that she had really wanted to just hang around the cabin and relax today, but she knew that I really wanted to eat lunch in Natahala. Arrrrrgh! Checking is a very powerful strategy. It can save you many more important things than a last day at the cabin. It just goes to show the wisdom of an old saying - "It's not what you don't know that hurts you; it's what you know that is just not so." Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.
MORE RESOURCES:
Relationships - Google News |
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Washroom Break Picture yourself at a bar with some of your buddies. Everybody is having a good time. Why Anger is Essential to Healthy Relationships Many of us have some very definite ideas about anger. We see anger as destructive and hurtful. The Secret of Relationship Success With a divorce rate in this country that approaches50%, and a fairly sizable percentage of marriages thataren't particularly blissful, it's difficult to avoidsearching for the answer to the battle of the sexes.Would you like to stop searching?We've moved through the old paradigm of gettingyour needs met in relationships, and it has provenitself to be a miserable failure. Attraction: Is It Worth It? The Common Scenario:Your partner is hardly ever home to give you attention and when he is home, he's preoccupied with his own routine. The two of you then start picking on the little things about each other. Relationship Problems: Whats Your Contribution? As the story goes, there was once a farmer and his family. They lived in and farmed a huge and gorgeous valley, right next to an equally huge and gorgeous mountain range. What is a Red Flag The focus of many of the last few articles has been on what is does a dangerous person look like, who you should avoid, but did you know that we all have personal red flags available if we just listen to them. Red Flags are signals that we all have, although they may differ just slightly. How Can I Get My Partner To Change? How much energy do you spend trying to get what you want from your partner? Think about it for a moment - how much of your thinking time is spent on what to say to your partner to get him or her to be the way you want him or her to be?Many of us spend a lot of time thinking about how to get what we want from our partner - how to get our partner to open up, be more caring, see us, love us, pay attention to us, spend time with us, have sex with us, and so on. We spend at lot of energy trying to get what we want from our partner because we believe that if only we do it right - behave right or say the right thing - we can have control over getting our partner to change. The Path of Relationship Each month after completing and fine tuning Letters on Life I'm excited about sending it out. Within a few hours I start to wonder about the next letter and whether people will like it. Gay and Lesbian Relationships America has a reluctance to accept relationships between people of the same gender. This reluctance follows a similar pattern to the hostility towards interracial relationships. Your Next Argument: 10 Thngs to Consider Before You Get There 1. It's addictive. Relationship Your Way To A Successful and Fulfilling Life What is a relationship? What does a relationship mean? There are many things that a person could have in mind when they are thinking of arelationship. A relationship is a bond or a connection between two things. The 4 Deadly Mistakes of Wife Seduction When a guy gets turned down over and over again (during the seduction process) in his relationship with his wife (or girlfriend) he often attempts to make adjustments. You are about to learn the 4 deadly mistakes guys make when attempting to correct the problem with their "not in the mood" female partner. Diamond Solitaire Rings - The Ultimate In Engagement Rings There are no better rings to seal your engagement than diamond solitaire rings. The ultimate in diamond rings, diamond solitaire rings are the only ring for the woman who wants the best in wedding jewelry. Getting an Exciting Life After a Break Up Breaking up.The End. Do You Love Reading The Daily Horoscopes Part II How many time have you felt an instant attraction to someone you've just met? Well, the explanation is simple?you have encountered the powerful forces of the Zodiac. It is all revealed in your daily horoscopes. Rescue and Rebuild Your Relationship: 7 Tips to Make it Work Create Time To Share And Time On Your Own.Establish time to spend together and time for yourself. Love Problems Often times when a couple gets married, things get pushed off, or ignored. Earlier in the marriage, the sight-seeing, honeymoon feeling, and those fancy restaurant dates tend to decline. Infidelity: Difference Between a Rage and Revenge Affair The fifth affair I outline in my book, "Break Free From The Affair" is called: "I Want to Get Back at Him/Her." This is the revenge affair. Set Your Relationship Up for Success A quarter of thirtysomething couples are unhappy in their relationships, a new study shows. Just 51% of thirtysomething couples said they were "very happy" in their relationship, with the remainder saying they were "quite happy" but would like to see improvements. What Every Woman Should Know About Men and Romance Men and women think differently about romance.Men are goal-oriented.
|
|
