HOME
E-CARDS
WALLPAPER GALLERY
LOVEBUG STORE
FREE LOVEBUGMAIL
|
|
HOME |
E-CARDS |
WALLPAPER GALLERY |
LOVEBUG STORE |
FREE LOVEBUGMAIL |
|
|
Relationship ArticlesNeed advice on dating and relationships or tips on turning up the romance in your marriage? You'll find all kinds of helpful information here about love, romance, and relationships. |
The Three Rings of Relationships
Glenna Trout is an international authority on face reading whose name I first registered in the context of Domestic Violence. (She contributed to The Kent Constabulary's extraordinarily informative leaflet on Domestic Violence.) As her eyes read my face, she talked about the Three Rings. Briefly, all of our relationships fall somewhere within these three concentric rings. It was as she spoke of the Second Ring that Glenna placed a hand supportively on my shoulder. Glenna talked and I squirmed slightly in my seat, marvelling at how some more piece of the jigsaw had fallen into place I pass what she said on to you in the hope that it will be as enlightening for you as it was for me. The language and any shortcomings are mine. The Third Ring This is the outermost ring and it comprises the people with whom you have, quite literally, a nodding acquaintance. Your interaction with them may be pleasant enough. It comes about not by design, but simply because your paths cross. The Second Ring These people you meet and become familiar with in specific circumstance. You tend to become close quite quickly; you may share affinities that matter a lot at the time. These relationships are more closely connected to where you are in your life at the time than they are to who you truly are. Second Ring relationships include the kind of 'instant' friendships you strike up on holiday, workplace friendships, as well as the 'new mothers together' bond. They tend not to survive the specific circumstance in which they grew up for too long. Glenna points out how easy it is to confuse Second Ring romances with First Ring love. There will be a common interest or experience that throws two people together so that, at the start, they share something quite powerful. Rather than defining the nature of the bond, they are swayed by its force into believing in its quality and its durability. Two people who throw themselves into a Second Ring romance may well share a common hurt or problem, so that each has an unusual degree of awareness of what the other is feeling - and a sense that the other is equally aware of what they are feeling. It would be quick and easy to say that this intimate knowledge of the other person's feeling is indicative of a high level of mutual understanding and empathy, but it would be wrong. Although it may look initially like understanding and it may feel like empathy, it is something quite different. What has happened is that two people have come together both looking for the same thing. Their assumption is that, since the other knows what they have been through and what they want so intimately, the other will be able to heal them and make them whole. He will satisfy their previously unmet needs. In short, the other person is there to do for them what they cannot do for themselves. With time, both come to realise that rather than mutual healing there will be an increasingly urgent battle to get their own needs met, because neither has the necessary resources to still the other's old pain. The abusive partner will find some release in masking his needs by shifting blame onto the other, who will be labelled 'too needy and dependent'. Their needs brought them together and their needs will drive them apart but only after they have undergone profound disillusionment and suffering together. Second Ring romances typify the adage: "marry in haste and relent at leisure". We let the wrong person through too many boundaries, too fast, without finding out the things we really needed to know about them. The First Ring The First Ring is the domain of truly loving, nurturing relationships with a partner, close friends and family. It is the circle of congruence: people's actions are consistent with their words. Unlike a Second Ring romance, in which one partner may protest undying love, but will, increasingly, treat the other with contempt and hostility, a First Ring partner has the personal resources to care for and treat the other as well as they treat themselves. First Ring people are not saints, but they are mature, functional human beings who are not always clamouring to get their needs met first. There would be a lot more to say about First Ring relationships, but our focus, here, is on The Second Ring because that is the ring over which we should have the greatest control, but often do not. It is also the ring where a great deal of emotional damage occurs, that we can learn to prevent. (C) Annie Kaszina 2005Joyful Coaching An NLP Practitioner and Women's Empowerment Coach, Annie specialises in helping women heal the trauma of the past, so they can enjoy the present and look forward to the future. Email:annie@joyfulcoaching.com To subscribe to Annie's twice monthly ezine, or order her eBook 'The Woman You Want To Be, go: to http://www.joyfulcoaching.com
MORE RESOURCES:
Relationships - Google News |
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Two Easy Steps To Finding Joy In All Your Relationships Usually we enter relationships hoping they will make us happy. We hope that this person is the right one, that we aren't repeating mistakes of the past, and that we will finally receive the love, support, companionship and admiration we've been waiting for. African Dating - Pride and Ambition It is no secret that African culture is known for its pride. Most Africans do not have a problem standing up for their beliefs and causes, and are often ambitious when it comes to obtaining specific goals. Are You Living An Illusion Romance Like Lisa Snowdon and George Clooney? My Dear Lover,Today I am sad, I don't have good news for you.The actor actor George Clooney, living based in Los Angeles, and the model and television presenter Lisa Snowdon, living in England, start their long distance relationship in 2000 and dated on and off for a year because their long distance relationship was not working. Long Distance Relationships - Not Always a Bad Thing You hate it, but it's happened - the love of your life has to travel abroad. Will it be days, weeks, or even months before you'll see them again? Many people have had to face this situation, and what many of them never consider is the ways in which it can make your relationship stronger. The Informal Normal In a Black-Tie-Affair World Have you noticed the trend?You ever notice how on programs like "The Bachelor" most of their dating episodes are via limousine escort? They travel to lavish destinations amid scenic splendor. The sunsets are so beautiful you can almost hear nature singing its own rendition of, "Love Is A Many Splendid Thing". Seduction Secrets For Men Part 3 - A Wonderful Idea To Spice Up Your Existing Relationships There is a cool little game for spicing up your long-term or fuck-buddy relationships.Here is how:Both you and your girlfriend have to get 20 pieces of paper and make 20 different cards. Relationship Tips: 16 Practical Dramatic Ways to Know if He/She is REALLY Changing Every relationship hits a snag, or worse, a major crisis (such as infidelity), that demands significant change if the relationship is to survive.So. Soul Mates - Finding True Love and Commitment Finding your true Soul Mate is something that many people hope to do. We all long for that one special person in our lives to make everything wonderful. E-Love at Easter - Part Two The next week was a whirl. The first quarter of the year was ending. Hold Em or Fold Em? Like a great game of poker, knowing when to "Hold Em" and when to "Fold Em" is a great phenomenon to some of us. Our lives and loves are much like a game of poker, you start out with a full pot and slowly over time the rewards either multiply or diminish. How to Survive Long Distance Relationships One of the great obstacles to maintaining a healthy relationship these days occurs when jobs or other situations put physical distance between the two partners. This ultimately leads to what is called a long distance relationship that neither party may have been prepared for in the beginning. The 100 Laws In any group of abused women there's almost always at least one who is extremely attractive; well groomed, well presented and the complete opposite of the kind of stereotypes that people normally harbour.At one domestic violence workshop, I met a stunning young woman. How Do We Know When A Relationship Has A Future? In many instances, we all are "gun shy" after a short-or long-term relationship, because being hurt or feeling bad is not anoption.This stinging feeling tends to guide us as we clamor forsomething new or fresh. To Know You Is To Love You How do you show someone you love them? Do you buy them expensive gifts? Spend quality time together? Make personal sacrifices just to see them smile? Dedicate a song to them? Write a love letter or note of encouragement? Become their cheerleader? Those are wonderful things to do but my question goes deeper then those types of activities, even beyond your romantic partner. Think about your parents, your children, your best friend, your sister, or your brother. A Guide to Relationship Quizzes Sometime in the 1950's, women's magazines started publishing relationship quizzes in their pages with a complex scoring system that arrived at a number. This number was then plotted on a scale and the reader could determine, based upon that number, whether their relationship was "good" or not. Essense of Infidelity On one very popular web site there were 260 posts from both sexes commenting about forgiving and forgetting infidelities. I read every one of them. Loving Without Losing Yourself! You are in love and it feels wonderful. This love is different and you are prepared to do anything to make it last. All About Soul Mates 1. How do I know when I've met my Soul Mate?There will be an instantaneous familiarity, a recognition, and an innate understanding and connection from the beginning that cannot be described logically. How to Improve Relationships with Feng Shui Remedies In order to improve relationships, many people have increasingly turned to Feng Shui remedies hoping to find a solution for their woes.The Feng Shui used in this article is the Eight Mansion (Pa-Kua) School under the Xuan Kong System. A Man Drought In Australasia - Bugger! Age is Against Me Men wanted desperately, it's official. The increasing surplus of high quality women in the 30 plus age group over suitable available men is becoming a major problem in both New Zealand and Australia.
|
|
