Relationship Articles

Need advice on dating and relationships or tips on turning up the romance in your marriage? You'll find all kinds of helpful information here about love, romance, and relationships.

Dont Avoid Conflict and Confrontation with Your Spouse


"I just let him handle things his way."

"We're not very good at resolving problems, so I let it
go."

"I just hate confrontation!"

Listening, talking, communicating, resolving problems,
making joint decisions... these are requirements for all
couples. Without good communication skills and quality time
dedicated to communicating, relationships soon flounder and
fail, especially among couples with the stress of two
careers and a full family life.

Many couples don't talk because they are avoiding conflict
and confrontation. There is a common misconception that
conflict and confrontation are bad. One of the major reasons
couples have problems is their failure to confront issues
head-on. They may fight openly or quietly seethe, but they
have a terrible time confronting the real conflict
respectfully and honestly. It's as if confrontation and
conflict are impolite. However, conflict and confrontation
are natural and healthy components of any relationship. You
are neither bad nor wrong for causing a conflict or
identifying one. Conflict is an opportunity to open up
communication on a difficult subject.

Do not fear conflict and confrontation. Avoiding conflict is
not the goal. Rather you want to develop the tools to "lean
into" conflicts and resolve them early on, so that you can
reorganize your lives to include the new learning. Because
married couples have a lot at stake when it comes to their
relationship, they are prone to avoid conflict or to use
ineffective tools to solve the conflict too quickly.
Compromising and acquiescing are two of these ineffective
tools.

Most couples are shocked when I advise them to avoid
compromises at all costs. After all, isn't compromise a
requirement of partnership? The reality is that decisions
that are arrived at through compromise usually lack
creativity and seldom last. Sure, a compromise now and then
may be necessary for the sake of expediency, but if a
decision is important, a compromise may cause anger and
resistance. Because compromises are usually a result of both
people giving up something in order to get an agreement, the
decision is a watered-down version of two stronger opinions.

Compromise is the easy way out when you are trying to avoid
conflict and confrontation. It appears that the compromise
will smooth ruffled feathers and that both partners can go
away happy. What really happens, however, is that each
partner leaves feeling as though they have been had. One
person may resent having to compromise and will be looking
for ammunition to prove that the decision was a bad one.
Another person may feel he or she has done the honorable
thing by not pushing his or her opinion on the other, only
to feel unappreciated later when the compromise plan is
dropped. If you stop and think about it, how long have your
compromise decisions really lasted?

Acquiescing or forcing your opinion upon your partner are
other ways of avoiding conflict. In seeking to avoid
conflict, for example, a persuasive person may push his or
her partner to acquiesce to a certain point of view, but
this does not mean that the partner agrees. It may mean only
that the partner actually does not want to fight and so
appears to agree, when he or she has only given in. Don't
make the mistake of pushing to win at all costs or to
acquiescing to the persuader, when you don't agree. In
either case, if you are the persuader or the acquiescent
partner, the conflict has not been resolved and, what's
worse, may have been driven underground.

If you don't make time to talk, if you don't consider
nurturing your personal relationship as important, and if
you avoid healthy conflict and confrontation, your
relationship will disintegrate. So take the time now to
evaluate your communication skills. Invest in the time to
develop a meaningful, loving relationship with your spouse.

Copyright © 2000 Kathy J. Marshack, Ph.D., P.S.

Dr. Kathy Marshack, is a licensed psychologist with over thirty years of experience as a marriage & family therapist. Visit her website at www.kmarshack.com for more of her practical self-help advice.


MORE RESOURCES:

New York Times

Money and Olympics key to NBA in London says NBA commissioner
The Canadian Press, LONDON - Oct 10, 2008
"It's not about whether we have a league, it's about growing our sponsor relationships, our merchandise relationships, our television relationships, ...
NBA and Partner to Help Build 12 Arenas in China New York Times
NBA KEEP EUROPE AT ARM'S LENGTH Sportinglife.com
NBA Europe plans scaled back on credit crisis guardian.co.uk
Palm Beach Post - Daily Mail
all 73 news articles


Photo exhibit at church honors same-sex relationships
The Capital Times, WI - 9 hours ago
A photo exhibit featuring partners in same-sex relationships will be on display beginning Sunday at First Congregational United Church of Christ, ...


Looking to strengthen family ties with 'sister cities'
Boston Globe, United States - 15 minutes ago
Decker said she began "taking a practical look at how the relationships are formed, how they're sustained, and how we can create mechanisms in the city that ...


Amy Schalet: On teen pregnancy, inhibitions are part of the problem
Minneapolis Star Tribune, MN - 2 hours ago
National surveys show that most Dutch parents accept that young people choose to have sex in committed relationships during their later teens. ...


IBNLive.com

Pitfalls of legalising live-in relationships
Merinews, India - Oct 10, 2008
Maharashtra government recently passed a motion to legalise live in relationships. This motion has far reaching consequences, which the government seemed to ...
It may get easier for live-in couples here The Statesman
'Indian society does not believe in live-in relationship' Daily News & Analysis
Women in live-in to be given wife's status: Maha govt IBNLive.com
Indlaw.com - Daily News & Analysis
all 6 news articles


Britain wants constructive Iceland relationships
Reuters - Oct 10, 2008
LONDON, Oct 10 (Reuters) - Britain said on Friday it had always wanted a constructive relationship with Iceland, a day after a row broke out over how to ...


Funds Looks To Rework Prime Broker Relationships
DW Online, NY - Oct 10, 2008
Fund managers are seeking to re-address the relationship with their prime brokers, when scripting over-the-counter contracts, as fears over counterparty ...


Washington Post

Students focus on personal relationships for Yom Kippur
Daily Kent Stater, OH - Oct 9, 2008
In the following 10 days, each person goes through a series of prayers and reflections exploring his or her personal relationships, according to ...
On This Holy Day, We Seek Forgiveness Richmond Times Dispatch
High Holy Days at hand Lompoc Record
Yom Kippur a time for introspection Register News
Contra Costa Times
all 119 news articles


Rebuilding relationships is topic of new class
Deseret News, UT - 23 hours ago
If you've ended a love relationship, you are. Christ United Methodist Church is offering a new class, "Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends." It is held ...


Maharashtra to legalise live-in relationships
Times of India, India - Oct 10, 2008
This amendment would cover the interests of women involved in polygamous or live-in relationships, say officials. The only catch is that the state has not ...
Maharashtra Govt Gives Its Consent To Legalise Live-In Relationships TopNews
Maharashtra's 'Live-in' proposal gets mixed response Expressindia.com
Maharashtra to legalise live-in relationships MSN India
all 16 news articles

Relationships - Google News


Home | E-cards | Desktop Wallpaper | Contact | Relationship Articles | Privacy | Add to Favorites | Tell a Friend | Free LoveBugMail | LoveBug Store | Site Map

Copyright ©2007 LoveBugCards.com